Comments on: The Challenge: 140 Characters – One Pitch https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/ random musings of stories and life Sun, 23 Oct 2011 23:15:58 +0000 hourly 1 By: Brenda Drake https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1286 Sat, 02 Apr 2011 21:21:20 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1286 I’m intrigued by the magical journal and I totally love Rebecca Little’s reworking of the pitch. Hands down — her take is my favorite. Love that I get a name and love how it leads into her ensuring her brother’s happiness. Good luck! 😀

]]> By: Rebecca T. Little https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1285 Sat, 02 Apr 2011 20:53:00 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1285 Original: When her magical journal falls into a bully’s hands, a girl must sacrifice her deepest desire to protect her unborn brother’s happiness

Suggestion: With her magical journal in a bully’s hands, Angela must sacrifice all to ensure her unborn brother’s happiness.

Reworded to give extra characters in first bit. Added name to establish id and connection. Baby can go. If he’s unborn, he’s younger than her. Substituted “all” for deepest desire. This gives you 27 extra characters to play with 😀

]]> By: Rebecca T. Little https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1284 Sat, 02 Apr 2011 20:38:02 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1284 Suzi already said what I was thinking. The “sacrifice her deepest desire” is the apple in the orange crate. Substitute something there that ties together the journal and the baby bro? Otherwise, I love it and want to read it!

]]> By: Kimberlee Turley https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1282 Sat, 02 Apr 2011 14:42:23 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1282 Is her pregnant mother accompanying her on this journey? Or are you suggesting something more supernatural involving heaven/limbo and spirit worlds?

]]> By: Denise Grover Swank https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1281 Sat, 02 Apr 2011 05:32:02 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1281 I agree with the others, the unborn baby brother’s happiness is throwing me.

]]> By: Erica Chapman https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1280 Sat, 02 Apr 2011 04:07:12 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1280 Ooo this is a good one. I’m wondering if you could say what her deepest desire is? Is there room? I know it’s short. I love this though, I seriously read this and was like “Dang, that’s good!”

Great job!! I’m totally intrigued ;o)

]]> By: Jen https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1279 Sat, 02 Apr 2011 01:02:59 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1279 I like this, but I’m missing the connection as well. I’d use the advice given from the other posts to add that bit of connection between the journal and unborn baby. Good luck with the contest.

]]> By: douglas esper https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1278 Fri, 01 Apr 2011 23:01:46 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1278 i agree with some of the posts above. i would like a little connection from the first and second parts. neat concept though. a magical journal and a bully opens so many doors…good luck!
douglas esper

]]> By: J E Fritz https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1277 Fri, 01 Apr 2011 22:47:27 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1277 It’s great, but I think you should use her name instead of the generic “a girl.” And I don’t really see how the bully, book and her unborn brother are connected. Is it because the book is magic? If it is, you should say how the magic works so we aren’t confused. I’d definitely like to see more about this.

]]> By: Lori M. Lee https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1276 Fri, 01 Apr 2011 22:13:36 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1276 I like the idea of a magical journal, but I don’t understand how that’s connected to the second part of the pitch. What does that have to do with her deepest desires? Or her unborn brother’s happiness?

]]> By: L. Blankenship https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1274 Fri, 01 Apr 2011 17:27:06 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1274 Why does she need to protect her unborn brother’s happiness? from the bully?

Bet she didn’t know little brothers are so much trouble when mom told her one was on the way… it gets worse, kiddo. 🙂

]]> By: Shelley https://bethecatblog.com/2011/03/the-challenge-140-characters-one-pitch/#comment-1273 Fri, 01 Apr 2011 16:14:59 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=1762#comment-1273 Hi LK! Thanks for participating! I like your pitch, and it makes me ask the question of how can a magical journal have anything to do with her unborn brother’s happiness? And what’s her deepest desire? Good job! Very enticing.

]]>