Does that mean I never have an off day? Far from it. I have had those days where either current circumstances or memory attacks take me to a bad place and I feel depleted of all energy, creativity, and I’m sure I’ll never smile again.

With a background in system technology, it is natural for me to address these bad moments/days with Conditional Analysis using If-Then statements. I’ll even use an acronym for one of the “result” responses — SIUB (Suck It Up Buttercup). When I reach a point where my emotions are overwhelming me, I do tend to get “clinical” in my approach to getting myself out of feeling the way I do. So … it runs something like this:

• Conditional Analysis – Section I — Is the situation something you have control over?
• If yes, then move to conditional analysis section 2
• If no, then go straight to SIUB (do not pass go, do not collect $200)
• Conditional Analysis – Section II — Do you know what will rectify the situation?
• If yes, then why haven’t you done it. Go directly to get off your butt and get it done. No one is going to do that for you, so take a deep breath and get ‘r done. Because once you fix what you have control over, your mood will shift.
• If no, then you need to figure it out. Go directly to SIUB.
• SIUB — The following are some methods that will help you deal with things over which you have no control as well as things where you know you have the control to help fix, but have no idea what to do.
• Call your bestie — This may rather sound like a cop out, but hear me out …
• From the jar of smiles I pulled this saying out:
  

  A best friend will make you laugh when you think you will never smile again.

  You should never underestimate the power of having a best friend. And if yours doesn’t do that for you, then get another one. Mine knows, sometimes before I do, that I’m getting my tail tied into a knot over something, when the thing I’m getting worked up about isn’t truly driving my anger — it is usually something I have no control over.

• Also, who better to reach out to when you know you can’t think straight? A bestie can offer the perspective you lack.
• And with my bestie, it doesn’t matter which one of us is upset, or how big their grievance is, at some point during that call one of us will get the other to laugh … and once laughter has been achieved, we both feel better.
• Pros and Cons List — Groan all you want, a pros and cons list helps you see the positives and negatives of the actions you are thinking about taking.

I love pictures that bring a story to mind immediately, and this picture is one. In my head, the story goes … The girl on the left was upset over some mean things some boys said to her as she paraded down the street in her costume. She found a corner to hide in so she could cry without anyone calling her a baby. But before she got a good sobfest going, little witchy-poo found her and listened to her friend drawing the story out of her when she’d stop. As soon as the story of what had happened has been told, Witchy-Poo stands, stomps her foot on the ground, says, “Well, see about that,” and holds her hand out to the friend. They then stride toward the troublemakers, the girl on the left a little apprehensive, but definitely feeling much better that her bestie has her back. And little Witchy-Poo? She means business, you see it in the grip she’s got on her friends hands. It’s the little ones who roar like a lion you need to be afraid of. (To all my LONG time friends, we KNOW I’m the girl in the witch hat who will make those boys rue the day they messed with her friend.)

Even though this post is a little on the long side already, I’m going to hope you’re still with me because this is the most important part. While I am thankful that when I have lost my smile due to a situation/circumstance — usually out of my control — I do have a fantastic network of friends who help me find my smile, it makes me even more emphatic about being the friend who gives the smile back. THAT is the kind of friend I strive to be. And not in a superficial way, but in some meaningful way to help the person in pain. What kind of friend are you?

PS I love the featured pic of the macaque because just looking at that would cheer me up on a bad day. The goofy grin is everything.

The post Jar Full of Smiles: The Lost Smile appeared first on Be the Cat.

I love this picture because it epitomizes the little piece of paper I fished out of the Jar Full of Smiles. It states:

A good friend is cheaper than therapy.

Having friends is essential in life, whether they run around on two legs or four — and there are advantages to both kinds. In the image for this post, the dog is being a fantastic friend by just being with his friend, listening to what he has to say, not judging. Sometimes the best thing in the world, when you have too much on your heart and mind, is to tell all to your dog (or the neighbor’s dog) because you know with certainty, they will never tell another living soul what you said. It is cathartic to bare your soul and get all the niggling things bothering you off your chest. And your dog will understand the depth of your feelings and do their best to make you feel better, while at the same time be happy they are spending time with you.

But sometimes, we need a little bit more. We not only need someone to listen … we need some sort of acknowledgement that our problems have been heard and there is understanding of what we’re experiencing. And not only to share the bad things with, we need friends to share the good times with, too. How sad would it be to be bursting with good news and have no one to tell? We need someone to laugh and be silly with as well as someone’s shoulder to cry on when needed.

And friends are there for us because we are there for them … it should be a two-way street. Remember: “We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.” — Brené Brown So, if the street is only one way, then it may be time to think about changing things up in the friendship circle. I’ll leave you with a couple of questions to think about.

• What makes a good friend?
• What kind of friend are you?

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I post about the issues encountered by my characters in my books. Things like grief, homelessness, abuse, underage drinking, bullying, etc. and I realized that in life, while I always look for the positive, I haven’t been sharing that side with my readers. It’s time I started. So, I’m going to share my Jar of Smiles with you. The first note drawn from the jar is:

A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else.

How true. My thoughts immediately went to my bestie who sees the truth and pain in me even when I cannot see it myself. When I am so focused on convincing myself that everything is okay, she just KNOWS when things are not right with me. Which is good because I have the type of personality that just keeps pushing forward on the premise that if I’m not dead, I must be doing ALL the things. She keeps me balanced, tells me when I need to rest, and knows immediately when something is bothering me. We all need a friend like her.

The part that struck me even more was the part about even when you are fooling everyone else. The presumption is that we put on our happy mask to face the world, not allowing anyone to see our pain. We hide our vulnerability from the world because far too often, instead of seeing the vulnerability and helping to repair the damage, society sees a reason to feast on the pain of others. When you’re feeling pain, the last thing you want is to invite someone to rub salt in the wound, so we mask it and pretend everything is okay. When it isn’t.

What a condemnation of our culture. Because mocking someone’s vulnerabilities, or actively seeking to cause them more pain is something we learn. Does it make us feel better about our own lives? I doubt it, but again, it is about the mask the person inflicting the pain puts on for the outside world. I think about how a small child would react vs. adults in a situation, and I would rather react with the sympathy and heart of a child, unfettered by having been taught to condemn. Imagine the difference if we were to all choose to do the same?

Back to the green strip of paper … I have been so blessed by the people in my life. Those who are there for me, no matter what I’m going through. Those who take the time to see what I sometimes cannot see myself. Those who make sure I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am not going through life alone. And yes, just thinking about that makes me smile.

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I love surprises. And I love anticipation of surprises, so this had me smiling big time, wondering who had such a wonderful idea. After tantalizing me with a few gifts, I received a card with the sweetest letter and the picture of Flash (drawn by a friend because the secret friend knew I loved sloths because of Sergio the sloth) from a ten-year-old girl. What she had to say in her letter brought tears to my eyes because it was so incredibly thoughtful.

My secret friend, I’ll call her RAD for her initials, had attended a bible study where the leader asked for them to think of someone to give gifts to for Christmas to make them feel special, and since RAD had heard I was ill and had been praying for me, she put my name in. When a little girl was chosen to be the group giftee, RAD decided she was going to do this for me on her own. My heart was, and still is, incredibly touched that a girl who I have not yet met, who I have never even spoken with, would want to show an adult she didn’t know so much love. RAD went to family and friends and raised money to buy the gifts and each gift was for a particular reason. So much thought and care went into everything she did.

What a fantastic reminder of what the spirit of Christmas is truly about. What a lovely and tender heart RAD has, and the will to follow a project through. I am truly blessed by her. It made me start thinking about how the world would change if we each took RAD’s spirit to heart and helped someone in need. She didn’t just give things. She gave a part of herself. I may have been alone this Christmas because I had to be, but I certainly wasn’t lonely, and Christmas was magical.

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