bully Archives ⋆ Be the Cat

Bullying and the Dangers of Labels

Liana Gardner — Fri, 18 Aug 2017 13:00:25 +0000

In my writing the theme of bullying frequently pops up because bullying situations occur from childhood through adulthood. No one remains unscathed. If not bullied, you may have been the bullier, or you have seen someone else being bullied. And oftentimes we are reluctant to accept that we are being bullied, or if we accept it, we don’t want others to know. Being bullied becomes a shame we carry and try to hide away. WHY?

Because of the frequency in which bullying appears in my work, I periodically research bully prevention techniques, statistics for how things are changing, such as less physical and more cyber bullying occurs today vs. in the past, and in my recent research, I ran across something that struck me as something we need to address to help change the bullying climate. The importance of NOT labeling. What a profound truth. Labeling is a way to try and put people in one box or another, and we’d all be better off if we simply accepted people for their individual uniqueness rather than attempting to label them. But that is a topic for another time. How does labeling relate to the situation with bullying?

When we talk about a kid who bullies others, we label them as “the bully”. When we talk about a kid who is being bullied, we label them “the victim”. Even looking up labeling, the first thing I ran across was the following definition: assign to a category, especially inaccurately or restrictively. “children were labeled as bullies” Once a label has been applied, our brains, which keep everything heard, said, or thought — even if we don’t remember it — tucks that label away and give us the impression that this is what and who we are. Especially with kids, when told they are a bully that label gets applied by their brain and they may feel they cannot change. This is what they are … a bully. This works the same way with the victim label. The word victim has all sorts of negative connotations associated with it. As a society, we have reached the point where we tend to blame the victim for allowing the situation to occur, rather than focusing on the behavior of the perpetrator. So not only does the person being bullied have to deal with the situation itself, but they also have to deal with the blame associated for allowing it to happen to them. NO ONE wants to be the victim. Again, as with the one bullying, when the label of victim is applied, the brain clings to it and we start to see ourselves in this light. And it can feel like there is no way to get out from under the label.

Labels such as these are inaccurate at best based on a specific situation. Once a kid has been deemed a bully, then it is easy to overlook when a different situation arises that they play a different role. Maybe instead of the bullier, they are the bullied, or perhaps trying to defend someone being bullied. It is the same with the victim — it may apply to a single circumstance and we become blinded by the label. I explore this situation in The Journal of Angela Ashby where Angela doesn’t like the school bullies and is intent on keeping her best friend from being bullied, but in the process becomes the bullier of those who bullied her friend. Labels also disregard other factors such as peer influence and the situational climate.

How do we get away from these labels which are damaging regardless of which is used? Focus on the behavior and not the person. Instead of calling a person a bully, refer to them as the person who bullied. Instead of referring to someone as the victim, refer to them as the person who was bullied. This takes the focus off the person and puts it on the situation and each person’s role in the specific situation. It isn’t a label your brain tries to hang onto for life.

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Enough

Liana Gardner — Sun, 06 Nov 2016 15:00:40 +0000

While I recently posted about bullying and suicide in honor of National Bully Prevention month (October), when I ran across the story of Bethany Thompson I felt the need to talk about it. Any time bullying leads to suicide, my heart breaks for the person who has been tormented to the point of no longer believing life is worth living. In this case, my heart is not only broken, it’s bleeding.

Bethany Thompson, at the age of three, suffered from a brain tumor and underwent radiation treatment to cure the cancer, but as the result of that treatment suffered nerve damage that gave her a crooked smile. For the past eight years, she’s been cancer free, but unfortunately, the mark left behind by the treatments that saved her life were the very thing she was tormented over by classmates. The school and her parents were working together to help resolve the issues Bethany faced, but after a particularly difficult day, she told her best friend she couldn’t take any more. And she ended her life.

When??? When will we have had enough? How many more children have to die to prove we have a huge systemic problem?

I have read comments on many posts to do with bullying and almost invariably someone will comment that the problem isn’t the bullying, it is the need to teach kids to have thicker skins. This is a huge part of the problem. People believing that the problem is that kids will be kids. NO! We are severely lacking in empathy for our fellow human beings. We have placed far too high a value on outward appearance and have devalued the things that matter most about a person — which does NOT include their looks. And yet physical appearance is one of the easiest targets for bullies.

As I am waging my own war against cancer, it is intolerable to me that a child who beat the disease should no longer wish to live. My heart goes out to her parents, Wendy Feucht and Paul Thompson … I cannot image the pain they must feel from their loss. When bullies saw Bethany’s smile, they saw something to poke fun at and to mock her for, instead of seeing it for what it truly is — a mark of valor for a hard-fought battle won.

Bethany with her parents, Wendy Feucht and Paul Thompson, at the Relay for Life.

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Bullying vs Self-Esteem – The Forgotten Lesson of Dumbo

Liana Gardner — Mon, 23 Feb 2015 09:06:34 +0000

I’ve been so focused on writing my current novel, time has flown by. That’s what happens when you character yanks you into her world … you get a little lost and forget the real world exists. I originally wrote this post when a teen had been bullied to the point of seeking out plastic surgery erupted in the media. I went into full rant mode, which usually produces an epic-length post, and this one was no exception. It posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign, but as I continue to see issues with bullying people over their appearance, I thought it would be a good idea to resurrect the post and break it into more bite-sized chunks.

The Forgotten Lesson of Dumbo

The irony of the situation struck me almost immediately. A girl is teased for having big ears, and is told she has “elephant ears”, and is called Dumbo because of their size. And yet, when we look closely at the message of the story of Dumbo, we don’t see Dumbo going to the plastic surgeon.

Dumbo is born with big ears. But his mother loves him and thinks he is beautiful.

Dumbo is teased and taunted by the other elephants.
Throughout the story, Dumbo only has one friend (aside from his mother) who tries to cheer him up and teach him that what the others think doesn’t matter.
Ultimately Dumbo finds out that the one thing which has been the bane of his existence is the very thing that makes him the most special. Because of his big ears, he is the only elephant that can fly.

What is missing from Nadia’s story is the support of friends and family to help her understand that what others think about her appearance doesn’t matter. No, she’s not one day going to learn to fly with her ears, but symbolically by overcoming the teasing and taunting and learning that she is a unique and special individual, she can then soar in her own life.

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Bullying vs Self-Esteem – The Voice of the People

Liana Gardner — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 14:00:08 +0000

The Voice of the People

I journeyed warily into the land of comments. My imagination ran rife with what I should expect, and yes, the people supplied. Every type of opinion was offered from Way to go, Nadia! You’re pretty, now. to We need to stop coddling kids—they just need to toughen up and we need to get the nannying government out of our business. Here are a few of the viewpoints that stuck with me:

“We’re turning an entire generation of kids into soft, squishy dependents who never learn to stand up for themselves.” Wow. That was just the beginning. I believe there is a serious misunderstanding about bullying awareness and handling that leads to this type of thinking. and this was one of MANY who expressed the same thought.
“It’s a real good thing that this woman got the surgery she desperately needed. Too bad they didn’t take just a little more off her nose. It’s still big.” Ummm, what? This is a fourteen-year-old, not a woman, and the surgery was elective not required.
“What happens if they find something else to tease her about? What happens if they tease her for getting plastic surgery? It sounds cliche, but yes, she is letting the bullies win. Jerks that tease other people in middle school often grow up and continue to be jerks. Why give power to such low-lifes?” I’ll stop here because otherwise I’ll go on forever with the comments.

The internet has given rise to the ability for everyone to express their opinion, whether informed or not, on any and all topics. I find it somewhat ironic that this has also led to people expressing their opinions without thinking them through. We get into a rush to make sure our voice is heard, we forget to think about what it is that we are saying, and how those words will be received. The comments that bothered me the most about the situation were the ones focusing on her appearance, both before and afterward because it shows that she is still being judged for her appearance which lends credence to the bullies who have done so. In the next Bullying vs Self-Esteem post, I’ll discuss the forgotten lesson of Dumbo.

Originally posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign

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Bullying vs Self-Esteem – The Inconsistencies

Liana Gardner — Thu, 15 Jan 2015 14:00:55 +0000

I originally wrote this post when a teen had been bullied to the point of seeking out plastic surgery erupted in the media. I went into full rant mode, which usually produces an epic-length post, and this one was no exception. It posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign, but as I continue to see issues with bullying people over their appearance, I thought it would be a good idea to resurrect the post and break it into more bite-sized chunks. A few days ago, I posted about how the bullying wasn’t addressed (if you haven’t read and would like to catch up, please click here), and now it’s time to address the inconsistencies I found in this case.

The Inconsistencies

Call me a skeptic, but often when I read something I question the words I’m reading. *snort* Who am I trying to kid? I always question what I read in the news because I know we only receive a part of the story. In the below video posted by the Huffington Post, some inconsistencies grabbed my attention.

Before

The Unaware Mother—In the video, Nadia’s mother becomes teary-eyed as she tells the reporter she had no idea how bad the teasing was, and how tormented Nadia felt. Nadia says she hid her pain from her mother because she didn’t want to upset her and burden her more than she already was. It was a nice touching sound byte, but my mind screamed, “Really????” How is it that her mother was unaware how much her daughter felt tormented by the teasing when it has been commonly reported that Nadia begged her mother for the otoplasty surgery at the age of ten? A ten-year-old child doesn’t beg for surgery without provocation. Even in the video, after the statement that she was unaware of how much taunting her daughter endured on a daily basis, it is mentioned that Nadia nudged her mom about having the surgery for a year before her mom agreed. That is hard to reconcile with the touching “I didn’t know.” statement.

After

The Concerned Physician—I cannot be the only cynic in the crowd who wonders about the physician recommending additional plastic surgery, while heading the organization to provide plastic surgery for those in need, who in essence will pay himself to perform the surgery. And since this has gained so much attention from the media, is anyone surprised by Nadia’s before and after pics being above the Donate button on the Little Baby Face Foundation site? Oh and if you do take a look, please note the the way the pictures have been taken … the before picture is taken with the head angled so you see the right ear, which prior to surgery was the one which stuck out more and dropped a bit at the top, plus, the hair is tucked behind the ear, which causes any ear to stick out a bit more. And the after picture is taken from such an angle that we only see the left ear. In fact, most of the after pictures display the angle showing the left ear. #justsayin

Back on track with the inconsistencies. During the video, Dr. Thomas Romo, III, states:
“When you add in the jaw, the nose, the ear, and a patient brings in those complaints. And then you have overlay of the bullying, it makes it within the criteria of someone who could have surgery to correct that.” And then a few moments later: She wasn’t picked to have her surgery because she was bullied. She was picked for her surgery because of the deformities.” Two things with those statements. First, Dr. Romo didn’t say the procedures were necessary, he said could be done to correct them. And second, Nadia went to him to have her ears corrected. Period. Dr. Romo suggested the additional work.

In the next Bullying vs Self-Esteem post, I’ll discuss how the plastic surgery response was greeted by the American public, so check back soon.

Originally posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign

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Bullying vs Self-Esteem – The Bullying Not Addressed

Liana Gardner — Mon, 12 Jan 2015 14:00:43 +0000

I originally wrote this post when a teen had been bullied to the point of seeking out plastic surgery erupted in the media. I went into full rant mode, which usually produces an epic length post, and this one was no exception. It originally posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign, but as I continue to see issues with bullying people over their appearance, I thought it would be a good idea to resurrect the post and break it into more bite-sized chunks, so have created a series of posts which will come out over the next couple weeks. With increasing pressure being placed on appearance through all the social media channels, how do we find the balance to build good self-esteem?

In 2012 when I read about Nadia Ilse, the fourteen-year-old who underwent plastic surgery because she had been bullied about her appearance, my mind became a grid-locked freeway of thoughts and feelings. There were so many all at once, I had to pick my way through the tangled heap to figure out what they all were. And the thoughts were caused not only by the story itself, but by the nature and variety of the comments. And when my thoughts get tangled like that, the only way to straighten them out is to tug on a thread and lay them out in a semi-orderly format … so I’ll be dragging out the bullets.

The Bullying Wasn’t Addressed

This jumped out at me because no matter what article I read about the situation, not one word was mentioned about how the kids bullying Nadia were addressed. What measures were taken by the school, or Nadia’s mom, or even Nadia herself to make those who bullied her understand that their actions were wrong? I’ll grant that Nadia is happier now and her self-esteem is improving, but I’ll share why I think not addressing the bullying issue is a bad thing.

The Magic Wand Effect—By avoiding the bullying issue, it sends the message that it was okay for them to torment Nadia to the point where she felt worthless because now she’s pretty. They may even gain a sense of satisfaction because they “helped” Nadia to become pretty. Everything has been washed away because she had surgery.
The False Message—Beauty is more important than anything else. It’s okay to torment people who are not beautiful. It’s something that can be “fixed”, so no harm, no foul. Except … there was a lot of harm. A person underwent surgery NOT because they needed it to improve their physical well-being (leaving the deviated septum out of the conversation at the moment), but because someone else didn’t like their differences. Surgery is not something to be undertaken lightly. It is an extreme measure for non-debilitating issues and should not be the first resort (or even the second).

Robbing the Cookie Jar—By keeping the focus on the external factors, Nadia herself is robbed of the chance to heal those wounds she has sustained from the bullying. She doesn’t have the satisfactions of having dealt with the bullying, she has a new face. It’s like putting a new coat of paint on a house to mask the crumbling framework. It will hide it for awhile, but sooner or later, the deterioration will break through the thin layer of paint. Yes, she is now undergoing therapy, but she has perhaps lost the chance to heal through dealing with the situation instead of avoiding it. And when healing comes because YOU have taken action, there is a sweetness that comes with it.

In the next Bullying vs Self-Esteem post, I’ll discuss the inconsistencies in the Nadia Ilse case as vaunted by the media, so check back soon.

Originally posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign

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Meet My Character – Timmy Hawkins

Liana Gardner — Mon, 18 Aug 2014 13:00:49 +0000

Cole Alpaugh

I was tagged by Cole Alpaugh in the Meet My Character Blog Tour. I met Cole through our mutual friend and his writing partner, Regan Leigh. Regan was helping Cole get the word out about his first book, The Bear In a Muddy Tutu and asked whether I’d consider reading it to review. How could I resist such a title??? And once I read the book, I instantly became a fan of Cole and his writing. If you haven’t heard of Cole and his work, definitely check him out.

Baby Golden Lion Tamarin

At the beginning of this year, Italia Gandolfo contacted me and asked me to take a look at a project she had. To date, all my writing work had been in the Young Adult and Middle Grade age categories, but this was a chapter book, intended for 5-8 year olds. While not my normal area for writing, I’m always willing to take on new things as a writer and stretch myself, and I liked the concept, so then co-authored the chapter book with Luke Matthews. And I’d like for you to meet the main character from the book. So let’s get down to the questions:

What is the name of your character? Is he fictional or a historic person?

Timmy Hawkins is an eight-year-old fictional boy. By the way, the cute little critter pictured is Rin, a Golden Lion Tamarin, Timmy’s best friend in the WHOLE world.

When and where is the story set?

The story is set in current day, small town America. Timmy lives in a house where there is an empty barn and a lake not too far from home where he can go fishing.

What should we know about him?

Timmy is a smart eight-year-old with a sweet nature trying to cope with a recent move to a new town. He’s shy and has been having trouble making new friends at his new school.

What is the main conflict? What messes up his life?

For Timmy, it’s not a what that messes up his life, it’s a who. Zeke McGee. Zeke is the third-grade bully who terrorizes Timmy every day. No one else will befriend Timmy because they are afraid of drawing Zeke’s attention. No one wants to be bullied.

What is the personal goal of the character?

Timmy’s goal is to be able to go to school without fear of being bullied. And if he made a friend or two in the process, that’d be cool, too.

Is there a working title for this novel, and can we read more about it? When can we expect the book to be published?

The title of the book is Timmy and the Golden Lion Tamarin and it will be coming out from True North Publishing in spring of 2015. To keep up with release and other information, you can subscribe to my newsletter or check out my Facebook Page.

Keep up with more characters as the Meet My Character blog tour continues on 8/25/14. I have tagged the following authors.


Elizabeth Isaacs Author of The Kailmeyra Chronicles Series elizabethisaacs.com	J. S. d’Raven Author of The Envoy’s Interlude www.jsdraven.com	Monica Enderle Pierce Author of Girl Under Glass and Famine stalkingfiction.com

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Diary of a Misfit – Current Event

Liana Gardner — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 20:09:08 +0000

Newspaper photo © Oleg Pidodnya

When I decided to put Diary of a Misfit together, I earmarked the article on Amanda Cummings for inclusion to the collection. It initially caught my attention because the family believed repetitive bullying had been responsible for her decision to kill herself. I was deep in the middle of edits for a Middle Grade novel at the time, so I saved the link and moved on. In June, I had finished the edits, written the beginning of another novel on spec, and had changed my focus to One Way Ticket Home, which will be the next book in the Misfit McCabe series, when I hit a road block with the book. I knew I needed to let it simmer, so pulled up Diary of a Misfit and began working on the stories for it.

I had started working on Current Event when Tina Hoggatt contacted me about being involved in the Story Chairs project. The want to participate in the project was strong, but I am NOT a short story writer, which is what I told Tina initially, but then I realized I was actually working on a short collection of shorts, so I asked her to let me think about it. Then I asked for the maximum word count for the story and her answer of 500 words shook me. I gulped, and told her I’d give it a try, my brain screaming, “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!” the whole time. But I did it … sorta.

My draft to Tina for the Story Chairs came in at 605 words, but I sent it off telling her I’d come in a little over maximum, and to let me know if it was a problem and I’d see how I could trim it. She loved it as it was and said she’d let me know once they got it recorded. Then came October and the news that they were having a problem with the story length and trying to get it into the chair, could I please trim it down. I asked how far, thinking the answer would be the original 500 limit and wondering whether I could cut that deep. The answer removed my ability to breathe … 300 words at the most. I had to cut the story by 50%—a task I thought impossible.

But my brain piped up with “are you a writer or a mouse?” and since I don’t have a long stringy tail, I decided as a writer, I’d have to view this as a challenge to prove my abilities. I opened the document and trimmed here, cut chunks there, and at the end had a story, which still made sense, and it came in at 300 words on the nose. I felt like running a victory lap around the house after that—which probably would have scared the dogs, so I contented myself with a few fist pumps.

Current Event in Diary of a Misfit is the full-length story of the Story Chairs version. Then a crime fiction author friend, Peg Brantley, asked whether I would like to participate in a fund raising auction for the Shaka Franklin Foundation for Youth and when I realized the Shaka Foundation has a special emphasis on teen suicide prevention, I knew I needed to do more. Current Event is the reason I am donating a portion of the proceeds to the Shaka Franklin Foundation for Youth, we lose too many young people too soon. Anything we can do to break the cycle is worth it.

Teaser: A homework assignment cuts a little close to home and Katie McCabe sees the dark underside of online activity for the first time.

Diary of a Misfit is available now for Kindle. A portion of the proceeds from Diary of a Misfit will go to the Shaka Franklin Foundation for Youth.

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Diary of a Misfit – Mean Girl

Liana Gardner — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 14:00:57 +0000

When Cassie Kendall was first mentioned in a conversation between Tom and Katie during Nowhere Feels Like Home, I knew she was annoying and shallow … I didn’t know she was in the running for the Regina George award for meanness. I certainly didn’t expect Katie and Cassie to be friends—because Katie had managed in one day what Cassie never could—capture the attention and affection of Tom Pike.

Cassie is lacking moral responsibility; she’s never been made accountable for her actions. So if someone does her a wrong—real or imagined—she feels it is necessary to decimate the person in return. She will get her way, or someone is going to pay. But as far as Tom is concerned, she’d do better to take a tip from Katie, and put away the feminine wiles and practice on her right hook.

Mean Girl gave me an opportunity to show just how much of a bully Cassie can be, for so little cause. And she’s devious and manipulative—does Katie stand a chance?

Bullying is rampant and the internet has given a wider scope and range to it. The problem we as a community face, is not only against the acts themselves, but against the thought process which I have seen in many comments on incident articles they (meaning the victim of the attack) need to get a thicker skin. Or I survived bullying when I was a kid…. So because it was done to you, it’s okay to continue? Or the victim needs to get tougher, while the bully needs to keep making people tougher? Or how about the thought that the victim just needs to learn to stick up for themselves? Lawrence King is dead because he stood up to a bully. A victim is a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action and nobody wants to be the victim. We need to learn to have compassion for our fellow human beings and accept them for who they are and until such time as that occurs, we will have a problem with bullies.

Teaser: Katie is conflicted when someone who bullied her is now the victim.

Diary of a Misfit is available now for Kindle. A portion of the proceeds from Diary of a Misfit will go to the Shaka Franklin Foundation for Youth.

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Facebook Bully Gets Choked

Liana Gardner — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 13:00:43 +0000

Facebook remains in the news this week, only this time the feature story wasn’t the IPO debacle. Instead while at a mall a Florida mother, Debbie Piscitella, was arrested after choking a fourteen-year-old boy who had allegedly been terrorizing her daughter on Facebook.

In Piscitella’s own words, “I just snapped. Yes I shouldn’t have done that, but you all do not even come close to understanding all the torment they have put my child through.” And according to the NY Daily News, Piscitella said the boy wrote “disgusting” comments below a photo of her daughter, calling her “a fat f—ing whale” who “didn’t deserve to live because she is so nasty that he wouldn’t even rape her.” I’m not going to defend her actions. She was wrong—dead wrong—to choke a boy. But I do understand the emotions overwhelming her. I would feel the same about anyone hurting one of my loved ones.

Would I stop short of choking a teenager? I’d like to think so, but hope that’s a question I’ll never have to answer. What really raised questions in my mind was not Piscitella’s behavior at that moment, but how the bullying was being handled.

Before the mall incident, the girl’s father reportedly reached out to the bullying student to ask him to stop and was met with obscenities in response. Okay, obviously that tactic did not work and I’m not surprised. In the boy’s mind, online could equate to being impervious to repercussions. But why didn’t the Piscitellas reach out to the bully’s parents (the Tiptons) and bring the matter to their attention? Maybe the Tiptons were unaware of their child’s behavior. Maybe the Tiptons were aware and didn’t care. I’ll go out on a limb and say that the situation was one that should have been dealt with adult to adult and not adult to child.

The next question is: where are the boy’s parents involvement in all of this? It sounds as if the situation had been ongoing for awhile. How is it that a fourteen-year-old has an account which is not monitored by his parents? Did his parents know about the account? If not, then I will cut them a little slack for not being involved with what their son was doing, although it doesn’t absolve them from all responsibility. But if he had an account with their permission, then what happened to their due diligence in monitoring on an occasional basis what his interactions were with other kids online. This should be done for the safety of their son if for no other reason.

As a result of the incident, the Piscitella’s took down their daughter’s Facebook page, which is understandable. They wanted to protect her from any further backlash which might be directed at her after her mother choked her bully. Tipton’s lack of involvement is evidenced in her statement that she didn’t have a chance to see her son’s comments before they were removed. One commenter stated: “The boy’s mother needs to get involved and restrict her son from writing weird stuff on Facebook.” I believe there needs to be a little more involvement than restricting the boy from writing weird stuff…the mentality that allows someone to bully another is something that needs to be addressed on a much deeper level.

And while some will cry that teens deserve their privacy as they are becoming adults, I’ll agree with a caveat—they deserve such privacy as they have earned. And at fourteen, total privacy has not been earned… even for the best kid on earth. Not necessarily because of what the kid might be doing, but there are some nasty people in this world of ours and for their own safety they need to be monitored to ensure that they have an adult’s guidance when dealing with situations beyond their abilities. AND if all parents monitored their kids online activities on a regular basis, don’t you think we’d see a decrease in cyber-bullying?

I’m not naive enough to believe that parental involvement will solve the cyber-bullying issue. Some kids will create accounts their parents don’t know about, but not all will, and most will give thought to what they are posting if they know that mom or dad may be taking a peek. Do kids need an avenue to express their thoughts and feelings? Absolutely. But not at the cost of others, and this is what we must stop.

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Born This Way Foundation

Liana Gardner — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 12:00:38 +0000

Photo: Credit KCSPresse / Splash News

When someone uses their celebrity to help address one of my pet issues, it makes me feel good. That they use their pull and tap into their fanbase to raise awareness about the issue, such as bullying, it gives me hope that something positive will come out of it. Lady Gaga made a point of meeting with President Obama after the suicide of Jamey Rodemeyer to discuss the bullying epidemic, which made me believe she was serious about making a difference. And sure enough, she is launching the Born This Way Foundation in conjunction with her mother, the MacArthur Foundation, The California Endowment, and Berkman.

While there is not much to see yet about the Born This Way Foundation, you can sign up on the landing page. The tag line is Empowering Youth — Inspiring Bravery — both lofty goals. And the meat of the page:

THIS WAY, TOWARDS BRAVERY
WHERE YOUTH ARE EMPOWERED.
THIS WAY, TOWARDS ACCEPTANCE
WHERE HUMANITY IS EMBRACED.
THIS WAY, TOWARDS LOVE
WHERE INDIVIDUALITY IS ENCOURAGED.

Lady Gaga my hat is off to you. Keep up the good work.

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The Victim’s Fault?

Liana Gardner — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 12:00:52 +0000

Lawrence "Larry" King

Bullying is a hot topic these days. As a nation, we’re grappling with how best to stop bullying and yet more cases are jumping into the public eye. Recently the case of Jamey Rodemeyer has been making headlines, because bullying drove this fourteen-year-old boy to take his own life. At the same time, the case of the Lawrence King shooting by then fourteen-year-old Brandon McInerney may be re-tried because the first trial ended in mistrial.

While I am not a member of the jury, nor did I sit in the courtroom to hear all of the testimony, I’m a little flummoxed by the results of this trial. There is no question as to whether Brandon McInerney shot Larry King. None. There was a roomful of witnesses. My understanding of the situation is that the defense pressed the point that King’s behavior pushed McInerney to the breaking point by wearing feminine attire and via means of sexual harassment with words such as “Love you baby!”. In other words, vilifying the victim.

Brandon McInerney

Wait! We’re leaning toward manslaughter on a charge where the perpetrator had enough forethought to bring the gun to school and shoot the victim execution style twice in the back of the head? It wasn’t his fault because the victim wore high heel boots and make-up to school? I hear echoes of “It wasn’t my fault, your honor. She was asking for it.” in rape cases. Or in this case… it’s not a hate crime because the victim was asking for it. We, as a nation, are running an extreme risk with this type of thought process. While Larry may not have handled the bullying by Brandon in the most appropriate manner, are we really saying that the alleged words “What’s up, baby?” are enough to incite murder?

Middle School and High School are tumultuous times at best. The campus is populated with kids trying to figure out who they are and how they want to express themselves. Larry chose to express himself by wearing make-up and high-heeled boots. This cannot be used as an excuse for deliberately taking his life. Larry dressed that way as an expression of who he was, and that Brandon didn’t like it was… tough — or should have been.

I currently have pink highlights in my hair. There are a few reasons I have done this… most of them personal, but the biggest reason is that it is fun. It is an expression of who I am. I’m sure that there are people who think that it is ridiculous or even worse, it is an expression of underlying deviancy which could lead to horrible things. Should someone be allowed to state as an excuse for shooting me that the pink in my hair incited them to do it? That somehow the pink was taunting them in some way? While this may seem an superfluous example, in my mind it is no different than saying the fact that Larry wore make-up and boots incited Brandon to take action, and therefore we must be lenient toward Brandon.

I do believe that Brandon perpetrated a hate crime. But I also believe that at fourteen-years-old, while he should have known better, there are some extenuating factors in his background which need to be kept in mind. This does not mean I believe the degree of murder should be mitigated down, but I don’t necessarily believe spending the rest of his life in prison is the right answer either. I would like to see Brandon receive intense therapy to help him overcome his past and if determined that he would be able to re-enter the “outside world” as a productive, contributing member of society, then I would like to see that happen. And I would like to see those who abused him dealt with as well.

We have to stop they bullying cycle!

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