• The Forgotten Lesson of Dumbo

  The irony of the situation struck me almost immediately. A girl is teased for having big ears, and is told she has “elephant ears”, and is called Dumbo because of their size. And yet, when we look closely at the message of the story of Dumbo, we don’t see Dumbo going to the plastic surgeon.

• Dumbo is born with big ears. But his mother loves him and thinks he is beautiful.



• Dumbo is teased and taunted by the other elephants.
• Throughout the story, Dumbo only has one friend (aside from his mother) who tries to cheer him up and teach him that what the others think doesn’t matter.
• Ultimately Dumbo finds out that the one thing which has been the bane of his existence is the very thing that makes him the most special. Because of his big ears, he is the only elephant that can fly.

What is missing from Nadia’s story is the support of friends and family to help her understand that what others think about her appearance doesn’t matter. No, she’s not one day going to learn to fly with her ears, but symbolically by overcoming the teasing and taunting and learning that she is a unique and special individual, she can then soar in her own life.

The post Bullying vs Self-Esteem – The Forgotten Lesson of Dumbo appeared first on Be the Cat.

• The Voice of the People

  I journeyed warily into the land of comments. My imagination ran rife with what I should expect, and yes, the people supplied. Every type of opinion was offered from Way to go, Nadia! You’re pretty, now. to We need to stop coddling kids—they just need to toughen up and we need to get the nannying government out of our business. Here are a few of the viewpoints that stuck with me:



• “We’re turning an entire generation of kids into soft, squishy dependents who never learn to stand up for themselves.” Wow. That was just the beginning. I believe there is a serious misunderstanding about bullying awareness and handling that leads to this type of thinking. and this was one of MANY who expressed the same thought.

• “It’s a real good thing that this woman got the surgery she desperately needed. Too bad they didn’t take just a little more off her nose. It’s still big.” Ummm, what? This is a fourteen-year-old, not a woman, and the surgery was elective not required.

• “What happens if they find something else to tease her about? What happens if they tease her for getting plastic surgery? It sounds cliche, but yes, she is letting the bullies win. Jerks that tease other people in middle school often grow up and continue to be jerks. Why give power to such low-lifes?” I’ll stop here because otherwise I’ll go on forever with the comments.

The internet has given rise to the ability for everyone to express their opinion, whether informed or not, on any and all topics. I find it somewhat ironic that this has also led to people expressing their opinions without thinking them through. We get into a rush to make sure our voice is heard, we forget to think about what it is that we are saying, and how those words will be received. The comments that bothered me the most about the situation were the ones focusing on her appearance, both before and afterward because it shows that she is still being judged for her appearance which lends credence to the bullies who have done so. In the next Bullying vs Self-Esteem post, I’ll discuss the forgotten lesson of Dumbo.

Originally posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign

Want to know the latest news about LK Griffie? Please subscribe to the newsletter.

The post Bullying vs Self-Esteem – The Voice of the People appeared first on Be the Cat.

• The Inconsistencies

  Call me a skeptic, but often when I read something I question the words I’m reading. *snort* Who am I trying to kid? I always question what I read in the news because I know we only receive a part of the story. In the below video posted by the Huffington Post, some inconsistencies grabbed my attention.



Before

• The Unaware Mother—In the video, Nadia’s mother becomes teary-eyed as she tells the reporter she had no idea how bad the teasing was, and how tormented Nadia felt. Nadia says she hid her pain from her mother because she didn’t want to upset her and burden her more than she already was. It was a nice touching sound byte, but my mind screamed, “Really????” How is it that her mother was unaware how much her daughter felt tormented by the teasing when it has been commonly reported that Nadia begged her mother for the otoplasty surgery at the age of ten? A ten-year-old child doesn’t beg for surgery without provocation. Even in the video, after the statement that she was unaware of how much taunting her daughter endured on a daily basis, it is mentioned that Nadia nudged her mom about having the surgery for a year before her mom agreed. That is hard to reconcile with the touching “I didn’t know.” statement.



After

• The Concerned Physician—I cannot be the only cynic in the crowd who wonders about the physician recommending additional plastic surgery, while heading the organization to provide plastic surgery for those in need, who in essence will pay himself to perform the surgery. And since this has gained so much attention from the media, is anyone surprised by Nadia’s before and after pics being above the Donate button on the Little Baby Face Foundation site? Oh and if you do take a look, please note the the way the pictures have been taken … the before picture is taken with the head angled so you see the right ear, which prior to surgery was the one which stuck out more and dropped a bit at the top, plus, the hair is tucked behind the ear, which causes any ear to stick out a bit more. And the after picture is taken from such an angle that we only see the left ear. In fact, most of the after pictures display the angle showing the left ear. #justsayin

  Back on track with the inconsistencies. During the video, Dr. Thomas Romo, III, states:
  “When you add in the jaw, the nose, the ear, and a patient brings in those complaints. And then you have overlay of the bullying, it makes it within the criteria of someone who could have surgery to correct that.” And then a few moments later: She wasn’t picked to have her surgery because she was bullied. She was picked for her surgery because of the deformities.” Two things with those statements. First, Dr. Romo didn’t say the procedures were necessary, he said could be done to correct them. And second, Nadia went to him to have her ears corrected. Period. Dr. Romo suggested the additional work.

In the next Bullying vs Self-Esteem post, I’ll discuss how the plastic surgery response was greeted by the American public, so check back soon.

Originally posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign

Want to know the latest news about LK Griffie? Please subscribe to the newsletter.

The post Bullying vs Self-Esteem – The Inconsistencies appeared first on Be the Cat.

]]> https://bethecatblog.com/2015/01/bullying-vs-self-esteem-the-inconsistencies/feed/ 0 3280 https://bethecatblog.com/2015/01/bullying-vs-self-esteem-the-bullying-not-addressed/ https://bethecatblog.com/2015/01/bullying-vs-self-esteem-the-bullying-not-addressed/#comments Mon, 12 Jan 2015 14:00:43 +0000 https://bethecatblog.com/?p=3247 I originally wrote this post when a teen had been bullied to the point of seeking out plastic surgery erupted in the media. I went into full rant mode, which usually produces an epic length post, and this one was no exception. It originally posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign, ... Read More

The post Bullying vs Self-Esteem – The Bullying Not Addressed appeared first on Be the Cat.

]]> I originally wrote this post when a teen had been bullied to the point of seeking out plastic surgery erupted in the media. I went into full rant mode, which usually produces an epic length post, and this one was no exception. It originally posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign, but as I continue to see issues with bullying people over their appearance, I thought it would be a good idea to resurrect the post and break it into more bite-sized chunks, so have created a series of posts which will come out over the next couple weeks. With increasing pressure being placed on appearance through all the social media channels, how do we find the balance to build good self-esteem?

In 2012 when I read about Nadia Ilse, the fourteen-year-old who underwent plastic surgery because she had been bullied about her appearance, my mind became a grid-locked freeway of thoughts and feelings. There were so many all at once, I had to pick my way through the tangled heap to figure out what they all were. And the thoughts were caused not only by the story itself, but by the nature and variety of the comments. And when my thoughts get tangled like that, the only way to straighten them out is to tug on a thread and lay them out in a semi-orderly format … so I’ll be dragging out the bullets.

• The Bullying Wasn’t Addressed

  This jumped out at me because no matter what article I read about the situation, not one word was mentioned about how the kids bullying Nadia were addressed. What measures were taken by the school, or Nadia’s mom, or even Nadia herself to make those who bullied her understand that their actions were wrong? I’ll grant that Nadia is happier now and her self-esteem is improving, but I’ll share why I think not addressing the bullying issue is a bad thing.

• The Magic Wand Effect—By avoiding the bullying issue, it sends the message that it was okay for them to torment Nadia to the point where she felt worthless because now she’s pretty. They may even gain a sense of satisfaction because they “helped” Nadia to become pretty. Everything has been washed away because she had surgery.

• The False Message—Beauty is more important than anything else. It’s okay to torment people who are not beautiful. It’s something that can be “fixed”, so no harm, no foul. Except … there was a lot of harm. A person underwent surgery NOT because they needed it to improve their physical well-being (leaving the deviated septum out of the conversation at the moment), but because someone else didn’t like their differences. Surgery is not something to be undertaken lightly. It is an extreme measure for non-debilitating issues and should not be the first resort (or even the second).



• Robbing the Cookie Jar—By keeping the focus on the external factors, Nadia herself is robbed of the chance to heal those wounds she has sustained from the bullying. She doesn’t have the satisfactions of having dealt with the bullying, she has a new face. It’s like putting a new coat of paint on a house to mask the crumbling framework. It will hide it for awhile, but sooner or later, the deterioration will break through the thin layer of paint. Yes, she is now undergoing therapy, but she has perhaps lost the chance to heal through dealing with the situation instead of avoiding it. And when healing comes because YOU have taken action, there is a sweetness that comes with it.

In the next Bullying vs Self-Esteem post, I’ll discuss the inconsistencies in the Nadia Ilse case as vaunted by the media, so check back soon.

Originally posted in full on Rebecca Hamilton’s blog as a part of the Books Against Bullies campaign

Want to know the latest news about LK Griffie? Please subscribe to the newsletter.

The post Bullying vs Self-Esteem – The Bullying Not Addressed appeared first on Be the Cat.

]]> https://bethecatblog.com/2015/01/bullying-vs-self-esteem-the-bullying-not-addressed/feed/ 4 3247