The Change in Diagnosis

© MumblyJoe

© MumblyJoe

I doubt I will posting quite this often once we get into things, but I figured I should probably get this one out while I still had a few minutes before lastminuteitis sets in and I’m running all over the place trying to remember all the stuff I need to get done. Because tomorrow that will be me… without a doubt. The photo sets the right mood. I know the storm is coming in, but way in the distance, there is the glimmer of light and hope. I have my focal point—and you may need to remind me where it is from time to time—but we have a goal and a time when we will cross the finish line.

To answer some of the questions I’ve been fielding from all quarters, no, the change in diagnosis was not a shock. I’ve needed a hair cut and color for several months now, but haven’t had it done. Not because I haven’t had time, but because if I had to go through chemo, then the fewer chemicals on my head, the better. As many of you know, I do dye a portion of my hair pink, but it just didn’t seem like a good idea until I heard the final test results and the words, “no treatment necessary”. So it’s a good thing I didn’t dye my hair. The reason I didn’t was that in the back of my mind I felt as if chemo was a real possibility.

Why did I think I might be going through chemo when all the test results up until Thursday were clear (with the exception of CLL/SLL which I wasn’t going to worry about for several years)? *sigh* Because my fatigue has been too great, I have struggled lately with eating, and I have muscle cramps which are too frequent and too severe to be attributed to CLL early stages only. I have also been bruising from no impact, deep purply-black bruises which look like I’ve been scrubbed on by a toddler with a Magic Marker. These things are not normal. Something was wrong.

In a sense, the diagnosis is somewhat of a relief. If there weren’t these abnormalities running around in my system causing me to feel like a cat dragged backward through a knothole, then I’d have been wondering how much more hellish the next stage would be if THIS was Stage 0. No, I haven’t mentioned much about how I’ve been feeling. I have curtailed my online shenanigans, and I have rested more often than I’m used to. Some days are simply better than others.

Today happened to be one of those better days, after the headache I woke up with went away. I was able to finish setting up this site. I didn’t have to take a nap. I only struggled eating lunch a little bit, and was able to go out to dinner to celebrate our 17th anniversary with my husband (our anniversary was the 9th). Dinner was a good meal. I didn’t choke or feel like the food stopped half way down—and compared to what I have been able to eat, I felt like I actually had a meal. Complete with dessert. It was nice to celebrate without feeling ill.

Today we will call a good day. And for now, it’s enough to keep me focused on the light.

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4 Comments on “The Change in Diagnosis”

  1. Yay for good days. 🙂 I’m glad you were able to enjoy your anniversary dinner. *big hugs*

    1. YOU, of all people, KNOW how YAY it is for good days (and we’ll just pretend I said that with perfect grammar skills). {{{hugs}}} back at’cha. 😀

  2. You are a huge inspiration to me both in the writing world and outside the writing world. Just wanted to send a massive hug your way. I’ll be thinking about you and sending positive thoughts your way. Kick that cancer to the curb. I’ll be cheering you all along the way.

    1. Awww, thanks. I’ll do my best to live up to your ideals. But yes, the cancer has to go. And now!! *hands you the sparkly pom poms* Just to help you cheer. 😉

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