My Status: Improving
Yesterday I was a bit down. Discouraged because I wasn’t able to go through with the chemo treatment as planned. I had actually thought I might not be able to do so because my allergies had flared because we have had some winds and I had been coughing. I still am. Post-nasal-drip coughs, but I woke up this morning wheezing. It’s the reason I am trying to view the non-chemo this week as a blessing. I do believe it is probably best that I did not undergo the treatments.
So why am I rehashing what I said yesterday? Because I figured out why I took the lack of treatment so hard. If I hadn’t been able to have the treatments because of the condition of my lungs, that is a long-known issue, and one I have lived with my entire life. The potential for something to go wrong with my lungs this time of year is pretty great, and therefore somewhat anticipated. But to be told to go home because of my blood results was something different.
Here’s how I heard it: You’re too sick for chemo. It’s hard enough for me to grasp the fact that I’m sick. Most days. But now I’m too sick for the treatment??? It made me feel like the picture above … climbing a treacherous path, not able to see clearly ahead. Just looking at that picture I feel claustrophobic. Conditions icy and dark, meaning I will slip and fall. And I did fall … mood-wise. Yesterday and part of this morning were a little rough. Not to the point of despair, but trying to focus on the positive was out of reach.
I am doing better mood-wise now. And part of that is due to seeing my regular doc for the Blepharitis recheck. The eye infection has cleared—YAY!!!—but that isn’t what caused my mood to lift. I mentioned the elevated liver enzymes to my doc and he agreed that the issue was the anti-inflammatories I took due to the knee pain. And having him confirm my gut instinct helped me. I can now focus on the fact that there is a cause which is no longer in effect. And he recommended Icy Hot for any future flare ups while I’m going through the chemo.
And he was a tad cranky because the oncologist did not advise him of the blood results. He had called her with the Blepharitis diagnosis and likes to be kept in the loop about what is going on with my treatments. I expect another phone call will be made. And I’m a little cranky that they didn’t call me on Monday to let me know the results. As they SHOULD have.
Tonight I have gained a little perspective about the road ahead. It’s still just as treacherous. It’s icy and dark, and the trek won’t be easy, but I can once again see the light. A beacon to guide me through my journey. Amazing how different the same road looks with different perspective, right?